BEAST RISING! Patch Sprint training begins Wednesday April 6

Beast2016The annual Patch Sprint BEAST (Best Ever Awesomest Sprint Training) Series begins this Wednesday, April 6.  The series takes participants on a weekly jaunt through parts of the Patch Sprint Course, finishing up with a post-workout tailgate potluck party after each event.

The theme for this year’s BEAST is “Swing States,” participants should come to each event ready to sway the voters and rally the super-delegates with scrumptious regional cuisine. representing each of the following important States:

April 6: New Hampshire. Meet at the 1812 Homestead in Willsboro at 5:30. Run the nature trails and head up Rattlesnake. Tailgate featuring cuisine from the great state of New Hampshire.

April 13: Ohio.Meet at the 1812 Homestead in Willsboro at 5:30. The annual Tax-Day 5 k from the 1812 Homestead to the Sugarloaf logging header. Followed by a potluck featuring cuisine from the great state of Ohio

April 20: Wisconsin. Meet at the Southern Poko trailhead at 5:30.First trip up the mighty POKO! Followed by potluck tailgaiting featuring cuisine from the great state of Wisconsin.

April 27: Iowa.  Meet at the 1812 Homestead in Willsboro at 5:30.Time to do the Bare/Snake Duo. Followed by potluck tailgating featuring cuisine from the great State of Iowa.

May 4: Colorado. Meet at the 1812 Homestead in Willsboro at 5:30.Run to the summit of Sugarloaf, then descend via the “back side!” followed by potluck tailgate cuisine from the great State of Colorado.

May 11: Nevada.  Meet at the 1812 Homestead in Willsboro at 5:30. Back to Rattlesnake! Followed by Potluck Tailgating featuring cuisine from the great State of Nevada.

May 18:  The Dirty South! Meet at the Southern Poko trailhead at 5:30.Another trip up the Poko loop followed by a tailgate potluck featuring cuisine from your favorite evangelical christian red state!

The Answer: Hydrogen-Powered-Hover-Skis promise to save New York’s failing ski clubs.

April 1.  Breaking News… As you can imagine, the recent Winter has led to an all-time low in skier performance in New York State.  “The data analysis doesn’t lie… Our clubs are failing our skiers,” announced governor Andrew Cuomo, “thus, It  is imperative that I intervene and mandate some kind of threatening unobtainable goal for our ski clubs in the best interest of New York State’s skiers.”   With this crisis in skiing looming, a collaborative STE(A)M(e)R effort spearheaded by Nordic Skiing PBL Commissioner Johann King, will provide a platform for ski clubs to meet their APPSkiR AYP performance goals. Clubs will be mandated to purchase a spectacular new innovative product produced by Pearson, Inc.

silly ski

Pearson has assembled a group of expert non-skiing ski experts to determine that it is not lack of snow that affects skier performance, it is lack of quality collaborative 21st-century experiences developed by ski clubs on limited snow that most likely causes skier failure and drop-out.  To fix this, Pearson has developed a hydrogen-infused completely fit-bit app-ed, hydrogen powered “hover ski” that effectively measures and tracks a skiers performance during the ski season.  Johann King explained, “this is cutting-edge nano-gallium-hyperdrive technology, no club should even attempt to ski or race without this aid.  A ski club that does not track it’s skiers’ data using this product will ultimately be failing the skiers, our state and the nation. And, that club should be shut-down to be restructured by our Pearson’s consultant team and its skiers should be given vouchers to join non-failing clubs.”

The future looks bright!


It’s Over! (wait… did it really even start????) Connie is your 2016 Viking Helmet Warrior World Champion

SAM_2956She did it!!! She showed up on the last day of the year!!!! SKIED AND DESTROYED!!!!!

SAM_2951It’s supposed to be 60° F on Wednesday and the only snow anywhere is at the Ski Jumps (and that’s only just because the USCSA Nationals will be there this week).  A hearty group of Peru Nordiques turned out for the annual Viking Helmet “Finale” on Sunday March 6.

SAM_2952The highlight of the day was Chris “Hand of Doom” Rose’s Nordic Feats of Strength Exhibition.  Rose one-skated (V2), two-skated (V2 alternate) and Double Poled the entire Jumps course from bottom to top.  For the uninitiated, that’s like 666′ of climbing each lap!!!  In spite of his efforts, he could not regain enough ground on smiling Connie to clinch the Helmet.

Valhalla awaits!…  I hear the Wooly Bear Caterpillars are already getting fired up for next year… which will be EPIC! Guaranteed.  Anyone want to go Mountain Biking at the chasm this week?

Paul Allison… 2016 NYSSRA World Champion and 2016 Peru National Champion!

The relay start… Paul is to the right, contemplating the momentous achievements that are about to  be bestowed upon him…

The Pall-bearer of Panic!

That’s not Paul, but Jan is a F’n EVIL Skiing MoFo!!!

Paul Allison absolutely demolished the field today and won both the NYSSRA world championship and the more prestigious Peru Nordic National Championship!!!

And celebrations were enjoyed by all… Skaal!

There was a strong showing by the Nordiques this weekend, alas, we still finished in second to HURT Nordic for the Club Championship.

Photo on 2-28-16 at 2.44 PM #2
This is random….

Maybe next year there will actually be snow!

Cookie Clash 2016… Cancelled. Just wait ’til next year!

In case you haven’t already heard the news, the New York Jets of Ski Races, the Cookie Clash, is on hiatus until 2017.  Logistical issues and lack of snow have forced this race to take a year off (think of it as a “diet,” you know, some time away from eating all of those cookies)

If winter gets it’s act together, the Saranac Lake Winter Carnival XC race will be at Dewey on Sunday morning instead of the Clash (again, this race is up in the air and is snow dependent… at least it’s forecast to be bitter cold).

ESWGs and Super Sunday!

Racing at the Jumps… our version of Holmenkollen

The Empire State Winter Games did not disappoint!  Although the venue was changed to the ski jumps because of lack of snow, the courses and the crew at the jumps (coming over from MVH) did an awesome job of running a great event. “At times it felt like we were skiing at Holmenkollen… and I felt like Therese Johaug,” said Chris “Hand of Doom” Rose.

Night time at the jumps… FAST!

On Friday night, under the lights, the ESWG Sprint Prologue took place.  “Perhaps the toughest 3.666 minutes of racing I’ve ever done!” said Jim “Harvester of Sorrow” Kobak.

Brian “Bronze Medal!” White won his first ESWG medal in the skate race… get used to it, Brian, you’re skiing with the Peru Nordic Masters! MEMFOS!

On Saturday, the distance race was shortened to 10km, or 4 laps of the brutal 2.5 km course.

Note: this is NOT panic waxing.  Conditions were very easy to wax… Universal Klister straight up!

On Sunday, the TourNADO finished with the 7.5km classic.   Peru Nordic took home a ton of medals over the weekend, including GOLD for Chris Rose (x4), Connie Prickett (x2), Kevin Prickett (x2), Chris Beattie (x4), Silver for Jim Kobak (x3) and Bronze for Ed Lis, Brian White (x2) and Dave F’n Burt.

Connie celebrates her Superbowl Victory!!!  “I’m gonna go home and drink some Budweiser Beers!”

Connie Pricket and Brian White did some spectacular skiing, and some spectacular Superbowl picking!  Both Nordiques went with the Broncos in the Big Game, and although Connie missed the MVP, she just about nailed the final score and captured her first FOAM FINGER, emblematic of Superbowl of Skiing supremacy!

The War Ensemble continues this week on Wednesday.  If the Ho opens it’ll be there, otherwise it’ll be at the Jumps.  Meet at 4:15ish for a 4:30 start (it’s staying light out later, you know).

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