April 1. Breaking News… As you can imagine, the recent Winter has led to an all-time low in skier performance in New York State. “The data analysis doesn’t lie… Our clubs are failing our skiers,” announced governor Andrew Cuomo, “thus, It is imperative that I intervene and mandate some kind of threatening unobtainable goal for our ski clubs in the best interest of New York State’s skiers.” With this crisis in skiing looming, a collaborative STE(A)M(e)R effort spearheaded by Nordic Skiing PBL Commissioner Johann King, will provide a platform for ski clubs to meet their APPSkiR AYP performance goals. Clubs will be mandated to purchase a spectacular new innovative product produced by Pearson, Inc.
Pearson has assembled a group of expert non-skiing ski experts to determine that it is not lack of snow that affects skier performance, it is lack of quality collaborative 21st-century experiences developed by ski clubs on limited snow that most likely causes skier failure and drop-out. To fix this, Pearson has developed a hydrogen-infused completely fit-bit app-ed, hydrogen powered “hover ski” that effectively measures and tracks a skiers performance during the ski season. Johann King explained, “this is cutting-edge nano-gallium-hyperdrive technology, no club should even attempt to ski or race without this aid. A ski club that does not track it’s skiers’ data using this product will ultimately be failing the skiers, our state and the nation. And, that club should be shut-down to be restructured by our Pearson’s consultant team and its skiers should be given vouchers to join non-failing clubs.”
The future looks bright!