What If? Peru Nordic Cage Match: Epic Showdown to the Death!… Who’d come out on Top?

Anyone tougher than Vegard The Terminator? I think not!!!

Nordic Ski racers are the toughest SOB’s around, everyone knows that.  I mean what other athletes voluntarily dress up in skin-tight lycra to punish themselves in the most aerobically demanding sport in inhumane arctic conditions… and love every second of it?

Inspired by this awesome blogpost about a giant Presidential knife fight (totally worth reading…. spoiler alert: Don’t mess with Teddy!), the editors of Windbriefs have decided to propose their own “what if” piece where the Peru Nordiques face off against each other in a no-holds barred brawl to the death in a Mad-Max-Thunderdome-style cage match!  Then you get to vote to determine who survives!

Warriors… Come out and Pla-ay!

The Nordiques are each given their own personal combat weapon, and are grouped into The BIG-FOUR of Battle Cages…. and the rules are simple: Fight to the Death!  The winners of each Cage will advance to the ultimate showdown!… Be sure to make your picks below..

Cage Match #1:  Master of Puppets!


Jan Wellford with Fencing Epee!... Jan’s swashbuckling athleticism and grace should make him a formidable foe (fight song: Slayer Die By the Sword)

Bob Maswick with a 2″ x 4″… Walking tall! (fight song: Black Label Society: Lords of Destruction)

Connie Prickett with a Cat O’Nine Tails… Connie cracks the whip! (fight song: Devo Whip it)

Mike Wynn with Throwing Stars...  Precision and accuracy are Wynn’s Forte! (Fight Song: Judas Priest The Sentinel)

Stan Hatch with nun-chucks… Spider Stan’s agility and grace as he effortlessly climbs the cage should be overwhelming! (Fight Song: Exciter Stand Up and Fight)

Cage Match #2:  Peace Sells, But Who’s Buying?


Joe Korzinecki with a tire-iron… When Korz has you in his wheel-house, watch out! (Fight Song: Judas Priest Rock Hard Ride Free)

Chris Rose with brass knuckles... The Hand of Doom punishes with fists of fury! (Fight song: Anvil Metal on Metal)

Amanda Zullo with a stiletto... Amanda is used to injecting punishment over her rivals (Fight Song Cannibal Corpse As Deep as the Knife Will Go)

Peter Minde with a Scimitar… The Jotunn of Jersey is sure to sin bad with this hardware (Fight Song: 3 Inches of Blood My Sword Shall Not Sleep)

Jim Adams with a huge wrench…  Jimbo’s not monkeying around!    (Fight Song: Megadeth Mechanix)

Cage Match #3 Among the Living


Kevin Prickett with a Hickory Switch… as per APA regulations, it’s just under 3″ in diameter.  Prepare to be dead and down! (Fight song: AC/DC Flick of the Switch)

Janet Findlay with a Trident… she is the queen of the water in a canoe, so it makes sense that she would be armed with Poseidon’s mighty weapon (Fight Song: Pantera Drag the Waters)

Steve Bailey with a Sledgehammer… he’s often out hammering intervals, just wait ’til he does them on your head! (Fight Song: Machine Head 10 Ton Hammer)

Brian White with a Battleaxe…  The Battleaxe of Aggression is ready to slash and bash (Fight Song: Manntis Axe of Redemption)

Ed Lis with Los Bolas… Balls to the Wall! (Fight Song: Accept Balls to the Wall)


Cage Match #4 Reign In Blood


Duncan Douglas with a Hyperdermic Needle… Don’t mess with our Jacked up Dr. Doom! (Fight Song: Forseen Death Injection)

Jim Kobak with a Hockey Stick… Harvesting Sorrows with his blade of choice, the Jersey Devil is aiming for gross misconduct!  (Fight Song: Vindicator Hockey Stick Vengeance)

Rosanne Van Dorn with the BC Rich Warlock… Prepare for a serious thrashing! (Fight Song Lita Ford Out for Blood)

Tappy with a single Crutch…. stolen from a defenseless child! (Fight Song Kataklysm Crippled and Broken)

Jason Fiegl no weapon… Peace man, can’t we just get along??? (Fight Song: Bob Dylan Blowin’ in the Wind)



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