Chris Beattie dug deep into his suitcase of courage (and of random items) to please the GOAT and win the coveted Mjølnir, the Hammer of the Gods!
Skiers raced to the GOAT, and she demanded tribute… Beattie was second to the Evil Goddess’ Temple, but he was able to produce almost everything on her list. Beattie had most of the items, including an Oboe reed and a can of SPAM, and he pounded a can of Mountain Brew at the temple to make the GOAT smile.
Jan Wellford was the third to the GOAT, but she was quite pleased when he took the long way, skiing Peggy’s Puddle and Cascade Loop en route. She also loved the lyrics to SLAYER’s Criminally Insane written on Nature Conservancy Letterhead. Unfortunately, Jan’s roll of the Skitanic Dice of Destiny fell just short and he had to concede victory to Chris Beattie.
The GOAT DEMANDED TRIBUTE: this was her list:
First to the Goat 20 pts, 2nd 16 pts, 3rd 13 pts, 4th 11 pts (etc. as per standard NYSSRA points) If you ski Peggy's puddle en route +10 points If you ski Cascade Loop en route +8 points If you ski in Classic technique +5 points If you ski with waxless skis +3 points If you wear a Peru Nordic race bib +3 points If you bring with you any the following tribute items, the GOAT will be pleased and give bonus points An ESWG medal +5 pts A copy of Metallica's Ride the Lightning +5 pts (+8 if on vinyl or cassette) A Guitar Pick +2 pts An Oboe (but NOT a saxophone) reed +5 pts A tube of Blue Ice Klister +3 pts A tin of Swix Red Extra hard wax + 2 pts A receipt from High Peaks Cyclery, Your Nordic Specialists +3 pts Lyrics to a Slayer song written on Nature Conservancy Letterhead +10 pts A topo map disclosing a secret backcountry skiing route +10 pts A SkitanicA T-shirt +5 pts A can of SPAM +5 pts A T-shirt from an Obscure Norwegian Metal Band +5 pts An Engel and Völkers Realty business card +5 pts Something with a Team Cookie Logo on it +3pts A piece of Memorabilia from the 1980 Olympics +8 pts A Patch Sprint T-shirt +5 pts A Ski-O Map crumpled in disgust +2pts A snack left-over from FAT TUESDAY +2 pts A NYSSRA Nordic Red-Group hat +5 pts An official document diagnosing a mysterious heart condition +2 pts A photo of a baby born in the Adirondacks during 2015 +2 pts A Jersey from an NHL team that no longer exists +3 pts A copy of a ridiculous Common Core Math Module +5 pts A can of Mountain Brew Light +10 pts (if consumed at the temple of the goat add +2 pts) A $20 donation to Jim's CFF Great Strides Walk +20 pts, and +1 point for every additional $1 (checks payable to Cystic Fibrosis Foundation) Upon arrival at the GOAT, skiers must also roll the Skitanic Dice of Destiny for even more bonus points! Most Points wins Mjølnir, the Hammer of the Gods! Remember, with great power comes great responsibility!!!
The Race to the GOAT raised $100 for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. If you couldn’t make it to RAGNARÖK and would still care to donate on behalf of the Evil Empire, use this link.
FINAL RESULTS (official to 64.5% NYS Regents Standard accuracy)
1. Chris Beattie: 148 Points… A Can of SPAM!
2. Jan Wellford: 147 Points… Criminally Insane!
3. Chris Rose: 124 Points… Mysterious Diagnosis!
4. Jim Kobak 110 Points… Quebec Nordiques!
5. Connie Prickett 86 Points… Nature Conservancy Letterhead!
6. Bob Maswick 62 Points… Swix Red Extra!
7. Keith Kogut 42 Points… Mountain Brew!
8. Kevin Prickett 37 Points… Kvelertak Yes!, Dave Matthews NO!
$100 Raised for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation! Thank You!
RAGNARÖK has set up an epic showdown at Saturday’s VHCS Viking Helmet Playoffs Finale… At least 4 Nordiques are in position to win the overall title… Be there, Saturday at 11 am!!