Earlier this week, Stan “Enigma of Uncertainty” Hatch threw down the gauntlet:
“I would like to take this opportunity to encourage all those seeking the usual and customary pain and suffering to participate in the annual Adams Memorial Turkey Trot held Thanksgiving morning at the Peru central schools. Course record for the 10K is 31:29. I am personally challenging all Peru Nordic Masters with a throwing down of the gauntlet ski glove. If anyone can beat me in either the 10K or 5K I will personally bake a pie of their choice for their Christmas dinner. I can even do meataterian if someone provides the road kill. My 5K time will be half my 10K time for those too weak to compete at 10K.”
This challenge immediately drew responses from the Peru Nordiques, Jerry “Boss of Brutality” Ross quipped, “Prepare to have a busy baking afternoon!! I’ll take pumpkin.” Jon “Anethema of Outrage” Santor added, “..I prefer blueberry pie.” In fact, there were calls to have a virtual race, where runners could use their times from any Turkey Trot to see if it would hold up against Hatch. Stan was unfased, willing to take on all comers, any how, any way, promising virtual pies to those who could defeat him virtually.
Well, when push came to shove, Hatch delivered on his promise, and will not be delivering any pies. Hatch scortched the Peru Nordic field with a 38:49, finishing 7th overall, just nudging ahead of Mike “Administrator of Fear” White at the line. “I just want to say that I got handed a dose of humble pie cause “The Pie Maker” kicked my ass! Next time he poses a challenge involving baked goods, I’m staying home to knit!” Other Peru Nordiques had strong races, including Santor’s 43:00 followed by Ross’ 43:02 and Jim “Wrench of Retribution” Adams at 59:10.